Reflections

First and foremost, no matter what I’ve been through, I know above all else that I am very blessed. The only problems I’ve ever had are still considered “first world problems” by any standard. Also, there is no one that I would rather be other than myself. That being said, this year has been one of the hardest of my life. If I could name the year as a whole, it would be “This Can’t Possibly Get Any Worse, Oh Wait, Yes, It Can.” If I’m taking stock-

-I’ve been divorced because my ex-husband was unfaithful. That hurt.

-I tried dating and yes, was a “serial dater” there for a while when I was figuring out what I wanted and if this “jumping back in the pool” thing was really for me.

-I’ve been sexually assaulted. That hurt A LOT in many ways. It hurt because I already knew this person. I blamed myself entirely. I didn’t seek help because I assumed that they would tell me it was my fault. So I just sat on the couch and cried.

– I had to move apartments. I left the gorgeous, spacious apartment that I had with my ex because I couldn’t afford on my own what two people used to pay for. I unknowingly moved to the ghetto. I’m talking drug dealers, dirty syringes littering the parking lot, gun shots heard regularly, crime riddled, unsafe neighborhood ghetto. I was terrified.

-My car was stolen from my apartment while I was home. I couldn’t break the lease, even though I didn’t feel safe living there and it was full of crime. Luckily the car was found with relatively no damage and we were happy together again.

-My grandmother passed away. I wasn’t particularly close to her as an adult, but she did love me quite a bit. Loss is always sad, and seeing my Mother and her sister hurting so much tore me apart.

-I lost my job. I had been with the company for over three years, which in a millennial’s mind is a long tenure. It barely paid me enough to live on and the situation was steadily declining within the office, but it was comfortable and it was my job. I was fired, and then moved back home with Mom. This wasn’t necessarily a bad thing considering the terrible neighborhood, but it did mean that I was giving up some freedom.

Now that I’ve cried all over my little pity party, I am extremely thankful for everything that I have. I still have my life, my health, my Mom, my fur babies (Zoey and Titas, both meow-meows), my friends, my oh-so-sweet boyfriend, and all the blessings of the Lord. There are some wonderful opportunities around the corner,  I know it. I have lots of job prospects and will soon be gainfully employed. I have time to work on my blog and my writing. I have decided that this is going to be the year to start my YouTube channel of makeup tutorials. I’ve been passionate about makeup since I was 14 but have been so scared to put myself on YouTube. But, if I can survive something as scary as getting a divorce and starting over, I can start my channel. I can accomplish one scary task a year until I become fearless. I hope that if you are reading this that you have a wonderful and blessed year. Change is hard, and growth hurts. That’s why they’re called growing pains. But you can make it. I hope you find happiness, peace, love, joy, contentment, and all the blessings that God can bestow on you. I hope that you tackle at least one scary thing in your life this year. I hope that you, too, can become fearless.

Cheers.

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